The Battle Between Perfection and Happiness

Perfectionists refuse to accept any results short of perfection. These people are often high achievers. Just as often, they are not.

The urge to be perfect can be a huge disadvantage. Most perfectionists are anything but happy. When your standards are unreasonably high, you’re unlikely to have many moments in your life when you’re satisfied and content.

Perfectionists often admit that they are stressed, worried, and exhausted. It’s not easy trying to be perfect all of the time!

See how perfection and happiness don’t fit well together:

1. The need for perfection guarantees failure.

The need for perfection is a losing game. Perfection can never be attained, so by choosing perfection, you’ve chosen to fail. Happiness is more challenging to achieve when you’re failing at everything you do.

2. Perfection creates anxiety.

When you feel the need to be prefect, you’re bound to be anxious, too. There’s only one way to be perfect. Everything else is less than perfect. You worry all the time when perfection is the only acceptable result.

3. Perfection is the enemy of progress.


Perfection gets in the way of making meaningful progress. Perfection is tedious and slow. When you aren’t making progress in your life, you’re not going to be happy.

4. Perfection forces you to use your time inappropriately.


When you try to be perfect, you spend too much time on things that just don’t matter very much. There are plenty of things in life that require results far beneath perfection.

Avoid spending the time to be perfect when it just doesn’t make any sense.

5. Perfectionists are more likely to procrastinate.

Given that the drive for perfection creates anxiety and consumes a lot of time, perfectionists are more likely to procrastinate than the average person.

It’s not easy to get started when you know that your results have to be perfect.

6. Studies have shown that perfectionism can lead to eating disorders.

The desire to have a perfect body has been shown to be a contributing factor in eating disorders. Most people don’t have the right bone structure and other genetic factors to have the type of body seen on a magazine cover.

7. Perfectionists notice what’s wrong, rather than what’s right.

Perfectionists only recognize what’s wrong. They pick up on everything that isn’t perfect. They rarely acknowledge what’s good. They notice the flaws. This is a hard way to live and certainly sacrifices happiness.

Perfectionists quickly forget their successes and fixate on their failures, making them unhappy with their work, home life, and themselves.

8. It’s challenging to complete anything because there’s always something you could improve.

Whether you’re working on a project for work or building a deck on your house, it’s a struggle to complete anything and move on. A perfectionist will always find a way to make it even better.

Having a lot of unfinished tasks hanging over your head is stressful and dissatisfying.

9. Perfectionists expect others to have equally high standards.

Perfectionists are hard to be around. They are often critical of others and consequently, are often lonely. They have relationship challenges. Loneliness and a lack of social support prohibit happiness.

It’s not easy being a perfectionist! While it’s important to give crucial tasks the necessary attention, spending too much time and attention on something is a waste of your time and mental energy.

Tame your tendencies that cause you to try to be perfect!

These tendencies are blocking the happiness you deserve. Let some of the details go and experience a life you truly enjoy.

Is a Neutral Mind Better Than a Positive Mind?

Being positive and optimistic might not always be the best choice. First, it’s impossible to have a positive mindset 100% of the time. Second, there are times when it’s best to have a more neutral approach.

Learning to navigate the ups and downs in life is one of the challenges of life. It can be easier to live with calmness, composure, and level-headedness.

Just because you’re capable of strong emotional responses doesn’t mean it’s a good idea all the time. You’re capable of eating nothing but chocolate for a week, too.

The great basketball coach, John Wooden, once said that he hoped people wouldn’t be able to tell if his team had just won or lost a game by their demeanor.

The ancient Greek philosophy of Stoicism has become quite popular over the last few years. In a nutshell, a major component of Stoicism is the idea that people should be indifferent to their successes, failures, pleasure, and pain.

Consider these ideas to remain calm, composed, and present:

1. Practice meditation daily.

Meditation is the perfect way to practice being calm, composed, and focused. When you meditate, your mind wants to wander. You feel physically and psychologically uncomfortable. Meditation isn’t for sissies.

2. Watch TV shows and movies that elicit emotional responses and learn to view them objectively.

Part of the reason TV and movies are so attractive is due to their ability to alter your emotions. That’s what these media are designed to do.


3. Observe your thoughts and emotions with curiosity.

Once we feel an emotion, our tendency is to focus on it and take an emotional ride. Instead of magnifying your emotions, study them like a scientist would. Notice how your thoughts change when your emotions change.

4. Be practical.

What’s really happening? Be logical and objective. For example, if your pool pump goes down, then you either need a new pump or the current one needs to be fixed. That’s it. All of your emotional gyrations have zero effect on the situation. They only make you less capable and miserable.

5. Realize that nothing is permanent.

The stock market, weather, good times, or bad times - none of them last. It only makes sense to avoid big emotional swings.


6. Understand how little control you have over the world.

Aside from your decisions and direct actions, there’s not much you can do to change what’s going on around you. Other people are nearly impossible to control in any meaningful way. If it’s going to rain, it’s going to rain. Why get emotional if it doesn’t help?

Negative and positive experiences and emotions can both be disadvantageous. When people win, they tend to celebrate.

Clinging too tightly to past wins can inhibit further growth and success. It’s hard to move forward when you’re stuck in the past.

Negative experiences can suck the life and motivation out of people. They can also inhibit progress.

With a neutral mind, neither positive nor negative experiences have a great impact on you. Each day is another day to make progress and move forward.

Having a neutral mind isn’t about approaching life like a robot, completely devoid of emotion. It’s about tempering your emotional responses and learning to be emotionally okay with any outcome.

This is an effective way to continue to make progress in life. You’re not thrown off by either positive or negative experiences.

You go with the flow, but you avoid a flood, and you’re able to keep going and moving toward your goals.

Making Peace with Your Inner Critic

The way you talk to yourself can build you up or tear you down. When your inner dialogue is harsh, it’s usually because you’re repeating things you heard from your parents or other authority figures when you were growing up.

If the criticism goes too far, it can discourage you from trying and take the joy out of your life.

Break free from the voices in your head. Take a look at a variety of techniques that prove that there’s more than one way to make peace with your inner critic.

Making Friends with Your Inner Critic

Your inner critic will sound less scary if you remember that it wants to protect you from failure and other possible dangers.

Learn how to put it to work for you instead of against you:

1. Increase awareness.

You may be so used to your inner critic that you hardly think about what it’s saying. Start changing your relationship by trying to understand what it wants to tell you.

2. Look back.

What’s your first memory of your inner critic? Does it sound like a particular person from your past? There may be family issues or other matters that you need to heal before you can move on.

3. Focus on growth.

Maybe your inner voice says you’re bad at math because you failed a test in the third grade. In reality, you’re not stuck in your past. Adopt a growth mindset that enables you to become whatever you want as long as you’re willing to put in the work to get there.

Silencing Your Inner Critic

On the other hand, there are times when you just need a break. If your self-talk is making you anxious and depressed, you can find relief.

1. Seek distractions.

Shift your attention elsewhere. Take a walk or read a book. Spend some time doing anything that you enjoy.

2. Distance yourself.

Turn down the volume by imagining that your inner critic is speaking to someone else instead of you. Take any statement and replace the personal pronouns with a funny name.

3. Identify triggers.

Give yourself advance warning. Figure out the situations where your inner critic is likely to appear. You may be sensitive about first dates or criticism from your boss.

4. List your strengths.

If you’re tired of hearing about your weaknesses, remember your strengths. Make a list of the things you’re good at from baking bread to writing code.

Take control of your self-talk and your future. Treat yourself with compassion and keep striving to reach your full potential.

Related Reading: Comprehensive Self development online guide

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