How to Get Out of Toxic Friendships

Breaking up with someone you love is a complicated process. But what's more difficult to comprehend is ending a friendship. When you consider the amount of history both of you share, you might feel tempted to stay put in a toxic relationship.

That may mean putting up with a lot of drama, unhealthy events, and unnecessary competition.

You may think it's a small price to pay for fear of finding out how your friend will react. Or worse, you might worry they will share your darkest secrets with the world.

Regardless of your thoughts and fears, ending a toxic friendship -- or a friendship that is just not working -- is possible.

So how do you release yourself from a toxic friendship? Try these strategies:

1. Start by slowly fading them out.

If you were involved in an unhealthy situation, don't suddenly end the friendship. Instead, set boundaries that are realistic but strong.

● For example, you may decide that you will only talk to your toxic friend through email and limit your phone conversations to topics that don't bring up painful past emotions. You might decide to reduce the amount of dialogue you hold with them.

● Lower the frequency from three times a week to once or twice a month. As your friendship diminishes, some of your most painful emotions will come up. This feeling is normal and expected.

● Once you acknowledge and accept those feelings without judgment or resistance, you can let those emotions also go.

2. End it officially when the slow fade fails to work.

Although you may attempt to let your friend go gradually, that might not work. You might want to take a more direct approach.

● Sit down with your friend and explain that you need more time and energy for other things in your life. Then, give them a final warning, and if they don't respond kindly, end the friendship.

● The direct approach may feel unnerving while you're at it, but don't let yourself feel intimidated. The good thing is you allow yourselves the chance to talk things out first and come to an understanding. Soon enough, you'll realize how freeing it feels.

3. Remove all sentimentality from the situation.

The fact that you want to end a friendship means you've realized that it's no longer beneficial to you. Don't let that taint your message, though. You still need to present your case as objectively as possible.

● Be professional and courteous throughout your conversation. Nostalgia can cause you to reminisce about the good times you had together. However, those memories don't excuse their behavior. Remain as calm and collected as possible throughout your conversation.

4. Stay honest with yourself.

You may not want to get yourself involved in a drawn-out conversation. But you must talk to your friend about how you feel. Remember, you have good reasons to end your friendship.

● If you don't, maybe you can try to work things out. But if you realize that things won't work out, then it may be best to end it.

● Be honest with yourself and your friend. The sooner you know it's time to leave, the sooner you can get rid of the toxic friendship.

Toxic friendships are difficult to let go of, especially if you've been friends with them for a long time. But sometimes, when you realize that your friendship isn't benefiting you anymore, it's time to move on.

Think about why people around you have such a negative impact on your life and decide whether you want to keep associating with them.

Then, tell them it's over and politely explain that things just aren't working out anymore.

The negative feelings associated with the toxicity will not vanish overnight. But with time, everyone involved will begin to heal and grow stronger.

13 Healing Things to Do When a Friendship Ends

When a romantic relationship breaks up, you can expect lots of sympathy from your family and friends.

However, they may not even notice when a friendship ends. Even though friendships are essential to our wellbeing, we often fail to give them the attention they deserve.

That's especially difficult when you start drifting away from an old chum or have a major fight with your best buddy. If you're angry or upset because a friendship is over, study these tips for dealing with your feelings and moving on.

Gaining Insights:

1. Embrace change.

Most friendships naturally bloom and fade as you move from one stage of life to the next. Recognize the milestones in your life like graduating college and becoming a parent.

Celebrate your progress even when it means moving in new circles.

2. Spot your patterns.

Be honest about your role in how your relationships end. Maybe you'll want to handle things differently.

3. Acknowledge conflict.

Ending a relationship is sometimes a wise choice, but sometimes we lose valuable relationships because we're afraid to address sensitive issues.

Learning to resolve conflicts may help you to resurrect your friendship or be better prepared for your next challenge.

4. Cherish your memories.

You can remember the happy times even if you stop hanging out together. Hold onto those funny stories and favorite photos.

5. Think objectively.

Maybe you're taking things too personally.

When you see the friendship more clearly, you may realize that you have done nothing that you need to regret.

6. Consider counseling.

If time passes and you're still feeling distressed, you may want to speak with a professional therapist.

They can help you to get to the bottom of whatÕs bothering you and change your behavior.

Taking Action:

1. Seek support.

Let your family and friends know when you're going through a difficult time. Tell them how they can help you, whether you need someone to listen to you or just remind you that they care.

2. Pursue your interests.

Fill your time with enriching activities. Redecorate your living room or volunteer at an animal shelter. Sign up for an adult education course or buy a membership at a local fitness studio.

3. Make new friends.

Investing too much in a single relationship can be overwhelming for your friend and leave you vulnerable. Use this time to expand your personal and professional networks.

4. Practice self-care.

Avoid drowning your sorrows in junk food and long naps. Stick to a healthy diet and regular exercise.

5. Clear away reminders.

Temporarily, it may help to remove pictures and objects that remind you of a former friend.

Box them up and put them away in a closet or spare bedroom. You can bring them back out when you're feeling more stable.

6. Write a letter.

Putting your thoughts down on paper can be a safe and effective way to face what has happened and let go of the past.

Focus on what you can learn from the experience rather than making accusations. You'll usually accomplish more by keeping the letter to yourself instead of mailing it.

7. Be gracious.

You might feel tempted to make unkind remarks to mutual acquaintances or post negative comments on social media.

You'll heal faster if you resist that urge and resolve to rise above any pettiness. Wish your one-time friend well and prepare for your own happy future.

You'll probably gain and lose many friends over the course of your life, but each relationship can help make you kinder and wiser.

Saying goodbye to a friend can be an opportunity to honor the role they played in your life and learn how to cultivate new and deeper connections.


Did you find this post fun, informative and useful? If so, please share it with others!

If you have a comment, question or suggestion, please leave a comment below!

Cheers, Helene Malmsio


Related Reading: How To Build Friendships That Last

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