How to Grow in Emotional Intelligence

You know the benefits of a high EQ. You want to increase your emotional intelligence and strengthen your EQ. How do you go about doing that?

Thankfully, there are many activities you can do that have been tested and proven to improve EQ. Let's look at some of those now.

Pay Attention to Your Emotions

The first step in increasing your emotional intelligence is to start paying attention to your emotions. This may seem obvious, but many people go through life on autopilot and don't take the time to truly understand how they are feeling.

Start by simply checking in with yourself a few times throughout the day. Ask yourself: How am I feeling right now? What emotions am I experiencing?

Journaling can be tremendously helpful when it comes to paying attention to your emotions. It forces you to stop and ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?"

When you journal, consider these types of questions:
● What am I feeling?
● What do I want?
● Why do I want it?
● How am I feeling about what I want?
● What do I believe about myself and others in this situation?
● What do I want to change about this situation?

These types of questions can help you get to the heart of what you're feeling. They can help you sort through the morass of emotions you're experiencing and nail down what specific emotions you're dealing with.

When you're journaling, don't edit yourself. Let it all out on the page. Journal your stream of consciousness and feel all of your feelings.

Remember, no one else is going to read your journal. The sole purpose of it is to help you pinpoint what you're feeling.

Practice Awareness

Awareness is another tremendously helpful practice for growing in emotional intelligence. It is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the current moment.

It's about deliberately paying attention to what's happening both inside and outside of yourself without judgment.

The "without judgment" part is critical. You're not trying to determine whether what you're feeling is good or bad.

You're just allowing yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling. As you sit with your emotions, you will often find yourself gaining clarity regarding what you're feeling.

What seemed confusing will become more clear. What felt overwhelming will start to feel more manageable. What appeared unsolvable will suddenly have a glimmer of hope attached to it.

Awareness can be practiced in many ways, from concentrated thinking to simply taking a few moments throughout the day to check in with your emotions.

The key is to make it a regular part of your routine so that you become more aware of your emotions and how they affect you.

Even just a few minutes a day can make a big difference. You can also practice awareness by simply pausing and taking a few deep breaths whenever you notice yourself becoming overwhelmed or caught up in your emotions.

This can help you to reset and refocus, allowing you to better manage your emotions and respond more effectively in difficult situations.

Identify Your Emotional Strengths and Weaknesses
Each of us has natural emotional strengths and weaknesses. These strengths and weaknesses are the result of many different factors, including our biology, family history, relationships, and life experiences.

Understanding your emotional strengths and weaknesses can help you to better manage your emotions, make more informed decisions, and improve your overall well-being.

For example, you may be naturally calm even in the midst of stressful situations. This is a strength. You may also have a short temper, leading you to get angry when it's not necessary. This is a weakness.

When you know your strengths, you can lean into them. If you and others are in a stressful situation, you can step forward and lead the way with your naturally calm demeanor.

When you know your weaknesses, you can work on them. When you find yourself tempted to be angry, you can step back, practice deep breathing, and remind yourself to stay calm and respond instead of react.

One way to identify your emotional strengths and weaknesses is through self-reflection. Take some time to think about different situations that have triggered strong emotions in you.

● What were those emotions?
● How did you react?
● Did you feel in control of your emotions, or did they overtake you?
● What were the consequences of your reactions?

By reviewing these situations, you can gain insight into which emotions are easier for you to manage and which ones tend to control your behavior.

You can also identify patterns in your emotional responses and begin to understand why certain situations trigger strong reactions.

Another helpful way to identify your emotional strengths and weaknesses is by seeking feedback from others. Ask those closest to you to share their observations about how you handle different emotions.
● Do they see any patterns in your behavior?

● Are there any particular emotions that seem difficult for you to manage?
● In what ways do they perceive your emotional intelligence?

By gathering multiple perspectives, you can gain a more robust picture of yourself and better understand how others perceive your emotional strengths and weaknesses.

Learn Healthy Coping Mechanisms

When you know what situations tend to trigger strong emotional reactions in you, you can begin to develop healthy coping mechanisms to manage those emotions.

These coping mechanisms can help you stay in control and respond more productively.

Some examples of healthy coping mechanisms include:
● Deep breathing exercises
● Prayer
● Physical exercise
● Journaling or talking to a trusted friend or therapist
● Engaging in a creative activity

For example, say that your natural response is to get very anxious in the middle of stressful situations. To cope with this anxiety, you might practice deep breathing, or go for a jog to burn off your nervous energy.

Rather than responding in a negative, harmful way, you're able to channel your anxiety into something positive and productive.

This not only helps you manage your emotions in the moment but also trains your brain to respond differently over time.

Challenge Negative Thought Patterns

Your thoughts have a massive impact on the way you feel. Positive thoughts lead to positive emotions. Negative thoughts lead to negative emotions.

The first step to challenging negative thought patterns is to recognize them. Sometimes, these thoughts can be so automatic that you might not realize you're having them.

Pay attention to your inner dialogue and try to catch yourself when you start having negative thoughts. Consider whether these thoughts are based in reality or if they're just assumptions or projections. From there, you can work on reframing your negative thoughts into positive, healthy thoughts.

For example, say you make a minor misstep at work. Your normal response to this situation is to start thinking negative thoughts about yourself like, “I'm so stupid”, or “Only an idiot would make a mistake like that.”

Instead of feeding into these negative thoughts, try reframing them. For instance, you could say, “It's okay to make mistakes. I'm only human,” or “I'll learn from this and do better next time.”

By challenging your negative thought patterns, you can shift your mindset towards a more positive and self-compassionate one. This will not only improve your emotional intelligence but also your overall well-being and relationships.

Practice Active Listening

Remember, emotional intelligence isn't just about understanding your own emotions. It also involves understanding and responding to the emotions of others. One of the best ways to grow in understanding others is by practicing active listening.

Active listening is the process of fully engaging and focusing on the person speaking, without interrupting or judging.

By truly listening to someone, you can gain a better understanding of their emotions and perspective. This will also improve your communication skills and strengthen your relationships.

Here are some tips for practicing active listening:
● Maintain eye contact.

● Use nonverbal cues, like nodding or smiling, to show you understand what they're saying.
● Repeat key points back to the person to show you are actively listening.
● Ask open-ended questions to encourage the person to share more.
● Avoid offering advice unless they specifically ask for it.

Active listening takes practice and patience. By actively listening to others, you can improve your emotional intelligence and build stronger connections with those around you.

What’s your biggest issue? How do you handle it – or can you think of any additional tips you can share with others if you don’t have an issue with this in your life?

Share them with us in our Comments – or share this blog post on Twitter or Facebook or wherever you feel it could help someone you know.


Cheers, Helene Malmsio

Related Reading: Emotional Intelligence - EQ Guide

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