Relationship Tips: Having a Partner with ADHD

If your partner has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), their spontaneity, positivity, and excitement for life may be what initially attracted you to them.

As you get deeper into the relationship, you might notice that some ADHD behaviors, like inability to remain on task, distractibility, or forgetfulness pop up.

This can be frustrating, especially if it affects important things that come with a relationship, such as household responsibilities or forgetting an anniversary.

ADHD is one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders in childhood that can persist in adulthood.

ADHD affects a person’s attention and self-control, making it difficult for them to focus. They may also be impulsive.

ADHD symptoms that may challenge your relationship include:

* Impulsiveness
* Emotional outbursts
* Difficulty paying attention
* Forgetfulness or losing things

These symptoms, especially when left untreated, can cause relationship problems.

It could result in misunderstandings, which just stem from difficulty understanding things from the other’s perspective.

However, you’re probably also familiar with the positive symptoms of ADHD that can benefit your relationship:

* Positive outlook
* Openness
* Empathetic
* Spontaneity

People with ADHD can have lasting, loving relationships. Here are some tips to create that lasting, loving relationship with your partner who has ADHD.

Empower Your Partner

Remember that you are a team! Treat your partner as an equal in the relationship. Acknowledge their strengths so they feel valued and appreciated.

* Give specific compliments.
* Find something positive to say about your partner daily.

Develop A System

Systems and routines help adults with ADHD know what to expect and stay on task. Work with your partner to develop a predictable routine.

Use tools that will help you organize your daily activities, such as a reminder on your phone, checklists around the house, or notepads in strategic areas.

Every person is different! Learn what works for your partner. Instead of forcing your partner to do things one way, find a solution together.

Do your best to simplify tasks to make life easier on you and your partner.

Practice Clear, Open Communication

Clear communication will be a strong foundation for your relationship. The forgetfulness and procrastination of your partner with ADHD can leave you feeling frustrated.

Practice clear communication with them to ensure you talk to your partner about how you feel.

Use “I” statements. This focuses the conversation on how you feel, rather than pointing out your partner’s behavior. This is a beneficial way of communicating.

Also, check in with your partner regularly about how you are both feeling, and what can be done to improve the relationship.

Listen to what your partner says without interrupting. Repeat the main points of what they’ve shared back to them, to show you understand.

Practice Patience

Dating a partner with ADHD is an opportunity to learn to be patient. Learn to let some things go.

Try not to dwell on what’s unimportant. If it’s not important, do your best to forgive and forget.

Know that your partner has the best intentions - they do not want to annoy or ignore you. Focus less on their behavior, and more on what you love about them.

Educate Yourself, Seek A Specialist

Learn relationship dynamics that may be harmful in the long run, such as parenting your partner.

See a therapist who understands adult ADHD – or even better, adult ADHD and relationships.

By following these tips, you can create a positive environment for both you and your partner to have a loving and lasting relationship.

The key, similar to all other relationships, is keeping open lines of communication while creating systems to get things done.

What’s your biggest issue? How do you handle it – or can you think of any additional tips you can share with others if you don’t have an issue with this in your life?
Share them with us in our Comments – or share this blog post on Twitter or Facebook or wherever you feel it could help someone you know.


Cheers, Helene Malmsio

Related Reading: How To Improve Relationship Communication

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