Everyday Habits to Stop You Taking Each Other for Granted
Whenever a couple first starts to live together or get married, everything is so new and exciting that you think it will go on forever.
Unfortunately, day-to-day stresses and busy schedules can soon mean the excitement wears off and you feel like you are living in a well-worn rut. It’s like you’ve become roommates, not lovers, and have begun to take each other for granted.
It doesn’t have to be that way. The important thing is to know what bad habits are passion killers and avoid them. In fact, you could introduce some everyday habits that would prevent you from starting to take each other for granted.
Here are some suggestions:
Learn Each Other’s Love Languages
The marriage counsellor Dr. Gary Chapman has written a series of books titled The 5 Love Languages. The five are:
* Acts of service
* Quality time
* Physical touch
In the books, he states that everyone has a primary and secondary love language. Knowing your partner’s love language can help them feel appreciate and not taken for granted.
You might think you are being loving if you buy gifts or do acts of service, for example, but if your partner values quality time and physical touch, you will clearly not be speaking the same language.
Ironically, in many cases, one of the partners in a relationship will often become a workaholic because their love language is acts of service, but this will mean little to a partner who wants quality time with their significant other.
The promise to "work less some day" often comes too little, too late, because the spouse waiting for quality time feels so alone and so taken for granted.
The workaholic partner can feel taken for granted as well: "I’m working so hard every day, and all my spouse ever does is complain I’m not home with them holding hands. Don’t they know I’m doing all this for THEM?"
Following Through on Your Love Language Research
You can each take the free quiz online to determine your primary and secondary love languages. If they don’t mesh at all, it will be important to discuss what you can each do to ensure that the other person doesn’t feel taken for granted. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Here are a few suggestions you can work into your daily schedule as positive habits that show you care, but without taking up too much time or money.
Acts of service
This means doing the dishes, taking out the trash, picking up after yourself, helping more with the children, doing the cooking or the laundry.
Make sure that whatever you choose is something you are good at and won’t feel resentful about doing. Each partner in the relationship should play to their strengths.
It’s easy to give words of praise:
* I’m so proud of you
* Well done
* That was amazing
* You’re such a great cook
* You’re a really great dad, helping out with the kids so much
* And so on
The praise should be sincere and, if possible, specific to something the other person has done. This shows you are noticing them and not taking them for granted.
Little things can mean a lot:
* A single red rose
* Their favorite candy bar
* A piece of clothing you know they had their eye on at the mall
* A nice meal out
And anything else that you know they would like.
This can be tough if you have kids, but it is worth it to make the effort:
* Thirty minutes of chatting and handholding once the kids are asleep
* A regular date night
* A shared activity you both enjoy, such as a walk at your local beauty spot
And so on.
In many cases, this will mean sex, but it can mean a lot of other things as well:
* Holding hands
* Trading massages
* Showering or bathing together
And anything else you both enjoy.
Find your love languages and give these ideas a try - then see how it helps being romance into your life rather than take each other for granted.
Tips on Making an Effort with Your Appearance
One of the main issues when couples start to live together or get married is that the dating part of their relationship tends to decrease as the practicalities of managing a home and family increase.
Being in such close proximity, and having so much to do, can often lead to a certain lack of glamor for both partners. Out comes the ancient college sweatshirt and the cartoon cat pajamas. Sure, the clothes are comfortable, but do they shout, "Sexy!"?
The answer in most cases is no. It’s probably one of the main reasons a lot of women overhaul a man’s wardrobe the minute they get the chance. They’re a good-looking guy, but they wear tablecloth-looking shirts and their socks never match.
So what can couples do to make an effort with their appearance each day to maintain their attractiveness?Men
Showering every day is always a good option. Wash your hair and beard if you have one, or shave every day if your partner likes the clean-shaven look. If you sport the 5 o’clock shadow look, keep it neat and tidy.
Avoid a lot of hair product if it makes your hair sticky and unpleasant to touch. No one wants to caress a hedgehog, after all.
Change your clothes as often as you have to throughout the day so nothing gets too smelly and becomes a nightmarish ordeal to wash.
Good examples would include undershirts or t-shirts if the man tends to sweat a lot, and socks if their feet perspire. Use odor-fighting insoles as needed in your sports shoes and/or dress shoes.
It might even include underpants. If you spend a lot of time in the bathroom, skip the tidy whities and go for color cotton underwear. Boxers or briefs? Find out what your partner prefers.
Wear natural fabrics, not synthetic. They tend to be more comfortable, easier to wash, and don’t retain body odor like polyester or nylon will. Women
For women, a shower a day and a hair wash as needed is important in order to feel fresh and attractive. Avoid a lot of hair product that tends to be sticky and highly perfumed. It ends up damaging hair, leaving it dry, brittle and more like a bird’s nest than a healthy mane of hair.
Speaking of hair... to depilate or not to depilate, that is the question. And how much? Most women shave their underarms and legs, or wax them, but it can be a time-consuming, painful and even expensive process.
Some women also go for the full Brazilian. Ask you partner what they would prefer too, rather than assuming and plucking yourself like a chicken every few weeks.
If you wear makeup, aim for a natural look rather than go to extremes. It’s fine to be a Goth when you’re a teen, but hard to maintain once you’re an adult with a lot of different commitments. Practice good skin care for your skin type.
In terms of clothing, it will often depend on your weight and taste, but in general, it’s never a good idea to wear tight clothing because no matter how thin you are, you end up looking as though you have been stuffed into a sausage casing.
Opt for natural fabrics and clothes that are comfortable, but don’t spend your entire life in sweats or yoga pants.
Finally, in terms of "sexy" dressing up, a nice nightgown or pretty, feminine lingerie may not be necessary, but they are often a couple of item a woman likes to own to remind herself and her partner of how gorgeous she is.
Avoid thongs except for dressing up for a couple of hours, as they can be very unhygienic.What’s your biggest issue?
How do you handle it – or can you think of any additional tips you can share with others if you don’t have an issue with this in your life?
Share them with us in our Comments – or share this blog post on Twitter or Facebook or wherever you feel it could help someone you know.
Cheers, Helene Malmsio
Related Reading: https://www.discoveryhub.net/how-to-build-a-lasting-relationship.html
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