Tips on Finding Time Together When You Have Children

It can be really difficult to find time to spend alone together once the children have come along. However, this is essential if you are to maintain the romance in the relationship and stay together.

With more than 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and 30% of those due to infidelity, don’t underestimate the importance of quality time and romance as the glue that will keep your marriage a happy one for many years to come.

Start as You Mean to Go On

Ideally, you should discuss the challenges of finding time to spend together before you ever have children. However, this is rarely the case.

Most people have no idea just how much their lives are going to change when they have an infant demanding attention and being their responsibility 24/7/365 for the next 18 years minimum.

Even if they do, the best laid plans can be thrown into chaos through accident, injury, troubles with babysitters, and more.

Having said that, it is important to be honest with each other about how both partners plan to contribute to the raising of the child, and how to make time for each other. For example, many couples establish a date night that they try to stick to as best they can.

They look for a regular group of sitters who will hopefully prove reliable, and as the child gets older, they might swap play dates and sleepovers so the couples involved can all manage to get quality time with their loved ones too.

Make the Most of the Days

Day times may not seem like the most romantic times to spend together, but they are better than nothing and help preserve the intimate bond.

Try some blackout curtains in the summer and make the most of your child’s outside activities to reconnect with one another.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

We pay attention to the things we see. Laying out or wearing sexy lingerie can remind both partners that romance and intimacy are important parts of any close relationship.

Make the Most of Your Time after Bedtime

Try to train the children to have a set bedtime they stick to, with no coming out of the room and wandering around. Do your best never to let them sleep in your bed for any reason.

A cradle or bed by the side is fine, but couples who let their child or children sleep in their bed often find it a hard habit to break.

Save the Bedroom for Sleep and Sex

One way to keep a romantic atmosphere in the bedroom is to use it only for sleep and sex. Don’t allow it to become a home office or a second family playroom. I

t may be tough, but couples deserve their privacy and training your children to respect that is an important part of maintaining your intimate life as a couple.

Be Grateful for the Small Moments

Holding hands, talking, and sharing activities like making dinner may seem like minor things, but the important thing to focus on when it comes to romance is that all the little things can add up to a strong bond.

Planning Ahead

Always plan ahead, but be flexible so no one gets really frustrated. Even the process of planning itself is intimate and can be a lot of fun.

Take Whatever Help You Can Get

If the grandparents are willing to take the children for a day or weekend, make the most of it. With a bit of planning and imagination, you can have a wonderfully romantic staycation at home.

With a bit more planning, and money, you might even manage a short getaway to recharge your batteries as a couple.

Romantic Gift Ideas for Him and Her

Romance means different things to different people, but in general, most people enjoy receiving a gift that you have clearly put some thought into with a romantic intention in mind.

Gift-giving is one of the 5 languages of love outlined by Dr. Gary Chapman, the noted marriage counsellor. It may not be you or your partner’s main love language (there are four others), but in general, a gift shows you care even if it sometimes misses the mark.

Here are some romantic gift ideas for him and for her.

Romantic Gifts for Him

There are a number of gifts men find romantic (even if you don’t think they are) and would really appreciate.

An old-fashioned shaving set

The set should come with a mug, fluffy brush, and holder.

A Swiss army knife

The Victorinox company makes a wide range of knives in various colors with various tools in them, so compare carefully to see which will be the most useful.

Think what he will use it for, how thick and heavy it will be, and see if the ones you have your eye on come with the incredibly useful scissors feature. If it does, buy a couple of packs of scissor replacement springs.

A day planner

Some people still like paper to write down appointments, notes and more. Good brands to choose from so they can refill the planner year after year include Day Timer and At-A-Glance.

Larger format planners are now large enough to hold an iPhone or an iPad if you want a combination planner and sturdy cover.

Romantic Gifts for Her

Women love almost any gift that adds a little luxury to their lives. The main issues are your budget and her personal preferences and circumstances.

For example, chocolate is the perfect gift item for many women, except if they are allergic to some of the ingredients or trying to lose weight.

Perfume is a good option as long as it is a scent you both enjoy. Check out her dressing table to see which bottle is getting low — chances are it is her favorite.

There’s a debate as to whether lingerie is really a gift for her or the man giving it, but in general, most women like to have a feminine item or two in their wardrobe such as a negligee.

You may want to avoid Victoria’s Secret, however, as things tend to be sized strangely and the garments use poor-quality fabrics and are not manufactured well. The last thing you want is for that expensive item to fall apart after only a few wearings.

A luxury robe

A robe is a great thing to slip in and out of. A nice velour one can be snuggly in winter and cool enough in summer.

A cashmere pashmina

A pashmina is a large scarf, or shawl, that a woman can throw over her shoulders if she is cold, or wear as an accessory to add some color and style to an outfit she is wearing.

Pashminas come in a rainbow of colors and patterns, but the main luxury of the item is the genuine cashmere, which is knitted from the wool of a special goat.


Flowers can be very romantic, particularly roses, though any bouquet will show you care and be a nice gift provided she is not allergic or hates cut flowers.

Breakfast (and more) in bed

This is a great gift if you have kids and can bundle them out of the way for the morning. Cook something simple and luxuriate together in bed.

You never know what might happen. Finish off the special gift with a shower together, or a bath for her with luxury toiletries and you soaping up her back.

What’s your biggest issue? How do you handle it – or can you think of any additional tips you can share with others if you don’t have an issue with this in your life?

Share them with us in our Comments – or share this blog post on Twitter or Facebook or wherever you feel it could help someone you know.

Cheers, Helene Malmsio

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